I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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