I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
