Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
