i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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