This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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