im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
