There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
