How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
