Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Be still, my beating vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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