The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
