I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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