omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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