I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
