He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize