So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
