I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
