so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No subtext here. People are naked.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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