this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
