Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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