shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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