I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
