Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
