you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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