So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ok first of all what the fuck
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