Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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