just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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