If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
