If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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