No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
