I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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