I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
