at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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