my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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