no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can text with my tongue
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
