"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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