The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
