Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
