..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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