I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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