my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
