So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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