Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
