This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
