two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
