i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
