I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
