I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
