Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
