The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you win again, gameday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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