I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
