if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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