JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
