things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize