New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
