I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so let's talk penis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
