Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
