the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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