how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
