maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Randomize
