It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
