I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
