Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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