Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
