this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
