3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She announced her abortion via fbk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
