I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
