You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
