i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
