so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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