I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
