Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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