Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
as a side note pls kill me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
