I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
