Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
