You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
