the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
