He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
