I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
