Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
