the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
