i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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