His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
