Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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