What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
